Oceans

These emotions, they ride me
ceaselessly

My heart craving to be
elsewhere

My mind craving to be
elsewhere

My eyes craving to see
elsewhen

Where they beheld
les yeux bleu du mon amour
et nous lèvres embrassé tendres 
avec bisous tres sucré...

When saline tears came as easily as the ocean
and just as preciously
before needing to surf these waves
being pummeled with a smattered education
and a learning that comes unquickly

Am I not wise enough? 
Am I too old for love?

Too bent in my ways
Too smart for my own good?

Have I lost the will to play?
The questioning comes as fiercely

As steadily as he ever swore I caused him to do
I said I could handle it better than he…

And still, I suffer
mercilessly
helplessly
with only our memories to comfort me

That he wished to be 
free of this miserable pain

That he wished to be 
untortured

That he wished to escape 
to worlds known-but-unfamiliar

In the comfort of friends 
incomplete

That I want to die so 
thoroughly a death to all I know
to all I am
to all I’ve ever learned…

Am I so different from he?

Please,
meet me in a place where we promised to meet

In a time that is

Now
Yesterday
Far-away

In Neverland
In Wonderland
In our land

Where healing never happens
because pain never was

Where the ocean is for beauty

Bubbling
kissing our toes
our ankles
our knees

Where water becomes us
and we become the sea