I lied: I'm never done with you Never finished, Never lost, Never not yours Did I lie, Or tell the truth, A truth beyond my comprehension? Because We've changed I'm never not yours, Yet, I belong to myself alone You're never not mine, Yet, you do as you wish, too The complexity of truth is maddening: Worlds beyond "true" and beyond "lies" Paired mirrors, we are, Face-to-face: Ever-ongoing, Ever-lost, Ever-abandoned Ever grey And Ever blue
Tag: love
Unsplintered
Eventually, you’ll know that I wrote this for you – though I’m publishing it because I’m not the only one in the world who needs, who deserves, who craves to be inspired by, reminded of, enlightened by an example such as you.
I just asked you the hardest questions ever about our budding relationship. I stated the hardest truths – unique to us, but not unique; and they may very well be the hardest truths we ever face.
It’s the second time today we’ve struggled through strong, heavy, deep emotions. Trudging through tidal waves in old rivers that promise to pull us under if we lose hold of each other, if we fail to keep aware, I led us this morning and again this evening.
It would be easier, of course, to slip into something comfortable and let the tide carry us away, swept on the surface of our emotions without ever diving beneath the rippling waves.
I’m not like that, though.
I don’t trust the way others live their romances, ignoring life and living, believing only what’s above the surface, pretending nothing exists beneath; then lying about where they’ve been when they delve into depths with other friends or lovers – or by themselves.
I’ve tried to lead men in this way before.
Countless times (very literally), I’ve been accused harshly for speaking the truth. Countless times, I’ve been hammered down for fearing, for feeling, for expressing my anxieties, my heartfelt wishes, my anguish-strained memories.
I was alone when you found me, this time, for a reason:
It never worked, before. I’ve countlessly been abandoned. I’ve endlessly been blamed, misunderstood, rejected.
It’s a lot, I know. Where once I was silent, afraid to speak a word about the rippling of my heart, reigned in the tidal waves of fears and tears and love and dreams because I was used to being beaten, I speak it all, given liberty to do so. I ask, still, rather than presuming. It speaks highly of… everything.
Not that any of that matters, now.
What matters is that you looked at your life, at our love, at the difficulties that lay ahead of us and, rather than hiding anymore, rather than accepting what is untenable, rather than asking that I accept something equally or more untenable, you took the lead.
You don’t know how proud I am of you for this, for what you did for me. For us. For you.
And you let me give this to you.
This, also, speaks highly of everything.
I know it’s not easy to face your truths. I know it’s not easy to change one’s life, to walk out into the unknown.
But you did it. You took that first step.
I’m so proud of you. As hard as it is, as deep as this hurts, I’m so proud of you for accepting responsibility for your life. For not evading anymore. For accepting yourself.
You’re not splintered anymore.
They never taught us how to love
So we use our pain
To comfort us
And we never practice what we preach
Instead, we find
Someone else to teach
We try not to see with our eyes
We fill our plates
With dozens of lies
We try so hard to keep it in
We turn away
From what lies within
We are splintered
And we are rotten
Deep within the walls that we've forgotten
All the answers
To all our problems
Lie within the one who tries to dodge them
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
We're so afraid to be alone
So we hoard our pain
And call it home
They never taught us how to look inside
Only how to run and how to dry our eyes
We dig ourselves into a ditch
How many of us die
And pretend to live?
We stop the life from leakin' in
When we turn away
From what lies within
We are splintered
And we are rotten
Deep within the walls that we've forgotten
All the answers
To all our problems
Lie within the one who tries to dodge them
We are splintered
And we are rotten
Deep under the floorboards we've forgotten
But all the answers
To all our problems
Lie within the one who tries to dodge them
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Aisha Badru
Rush
Yes, It came and went so quickly: A storm that passed between, Swept us up in a dream -- And, in a climactic scream, Emptied Us Both. Beautiful perfection Existed for a moment, Faltered into an abyss. What a pity. There's a mirror somewhere around, When you want to look into it.
Rush
Yes,
It came and went so quickly:
A storm that passed between,
Swept us up in a dream —
And, in a climactic scream,
Emptied
Us
Both.
Beautiful perfection existed for a moment,
Faltered into an abyss.
What a pity.
There’s a mirror somewhere around,
When you want to look into it.
Tumultuous Vibrance
Nothing grand was ever so achieved by waiting patiently, nor ever found its fulness in life completed alone.
Tumultuous vibrance is not the easiest way to live, but unruffled waters will never carry one to any destination. This is what I’ve learned of sailing, of life, of love.
The flood of my emotions has caught up with me, bringing one upon another man to me: men I have loved before, for whom my heart will never cease to beat, of whom my memories never fade; and this, as yet another silent shism slices through me, brought again by my own actions, by the need to show in actions what lies silently beneath.
Because words can only reach so far, n’est pas? Words sate only so much need. And, in truth, the pursuit of happiness is a noble endeavor reachable only by daily effort, assessment and reassessment, by the integrity of words and deeds… not by waiting for something to someday slip upon your shores.
Nothing grand was ever achieved by waiting patiently, nor ever found its fulness in life completed alone.
Daydreams
And the world is blue without your arms And grey, without your mind; It’s red, without your kisses, fine, Refined by stalwart art My mind creates a land of charms With vibrant greens and gold Despite the chill of winter’s cold, Brown swallows dash and dart Amidst white clouds and shining things, A rainbow hangs above; And sing a bird’s song, bright, of love, Into this brand-new start Come hither, where the church bell rings With every passing hour And bring to me a springtime flower, And in my life, take part And the world is blue without your arms And grey, without your mind; It’s red, without your kisses, fine, Refined by stalwart art My mind creates a land of charms With vibrant greens and gold Despite the chill of winter’s cold, Brown swallows dash and dart Amidst white clouds and shining things, A rainbow hangs above; And sing a bird’s song, bright, of love, Into this brand-new start Come hither, where the church bell rings With every passing hour And bring to me a springtime flower, And in my life, take part
Into My World, A Shadow Falls
Into my world, anew, a darkness drew — Fell, near burning fires, a shadow’s gaze Upon my weary count'nance; and I knew: This shadow's grip would claim me, all my days And stole into my mind and heart, it's true; Gave up to me the secrets of its ways; And promised shining things: the morning's dew Could never shine so bright, nor yield such praise And still, my mind and heart were warmed anew, A wav'ring shadow wandered in its plays Until a darker threat ran its soul through: Pure jealousy chilled the shadow to such craze And madness, took the shadow's mind and blew A word of banishment to me, did itself faze When love eternal, promised I to you; Retreated beyond life, into its haze — But, what, pray tell, are gentle souls to do When anger only turns a soul to blaze, For shadows grow in strength and number too... Obscure, oblique... This life is but a maze... And I am lost, and all the shadows, too Should I find on my skin thine sharpened blades And I would find my skin turn tanned to blue 'Fore I would e'er journey to dark malaise ...Though shadow distantly, coldly withdrew, Though shining heart is mine, my soul ablaze, I find neither shadow nor I can yet undo What binding tied our souls, those fateful days
Cascades of My Heart
Why ache, my heart when love is come so quick? Why fever's pitch? Or are we both homesick? And yet, the fire's heat melts all this pain to shades Of rainbowed beauty flooding o'er the world, cascades Of my heart, pulsing with the long passage of time And all I hope is: I am yours, and you forever mine
All
It has been said that Cigarettes Are a way to hold Fire In a human's hand It has been said that Wine Is the source of Life I say that You And I Are yet the depth of Love And love Is Life Is Fire Is all of Faith Is Truth Is All Is All Is All
To All of You I’ve Loved and Lost
I studied everything you gave. I learned. I lived. I changed.
Darlings,
You may have broken my heart a hundred-thousand times.
You may have hurt me physically, hurt me mentally, hurt me emotionally.
You may have cut yourselves off from love, and cut me off in the process. Maybe you just cut me off.
Maybe I’m too much for you.
Maybe I’m too intense for you.
Maybe you didn’t know how to handle all the love I expressed to you.
Maybe I was wrong, and maybe I was right.
Maybe, sometimes, you just weren’t ready, you didn’t like something about me, you couldn’t put your finger on it but it just wasn’t right.
But certainly, I’ve changed because of all I’ve been through, all you – all of you – have put me through. I changed because I loved; and if you loved me enough, I’m certain that I changed for you.
But here’s the thing:
If you would love me enough, if you had talked to me enough, if you’d been brave enough to face your own heart and emotions and mind, if you’d been open enough to talk it out with me, tenacious enough to stick around…
We could have had something beautiful. Something amazing. Something wonderful, whether it lasted or not.
Instead… I studied everything you gave. I learned. I lived. I changed.
Because that is how I must live, so I don’t kill my feelings, so I don’t live forever and ever and ever in underscored, unspoken pain, trying to understand how this has happened again.
Love – whether mine or others’ – changes me. It changes me, because I feel.
So, when you’re not sure if you’re brave enough to love, or even just to accept my love; when you’re not sure if you can speak your heart and mind because you’re afraid to hurt me; when you go silent, dumbfounded by the enormity of me: Just be true to your feelings, and you can’t go wrong.
Or, to make it simpler: Just be true.
But, regardless of everything: I still love you because I still know how to.
P.S. My love belongs to me, until you’re willing to take it. Then, it’s ours, from me to you. I’ll never beg you back, but if you come back humbly, respectfully, it’s all still here, with me, waiting for you.
Open Letter to a Lost Love
Let me tell you a little bit about love, from my view
Let me tell you a little bit about love, from my view:
Remember my fingers, trailing on your chest after I unbuttoned your shirt, slipping through the curls of hair that perhaps no one ever loved like I do? Remember what it felt like to look into my eyes?
Maybe you don’t remember. But I do.
Yes, darling; you’re right. I do deserve to be loved as magnanimously as I love you. I understand that you’re intimidated, that you feel you’ll never match the soulful gazes I give you.
Yes, love; I understand your fear, and all of the trepidation you have when you consider me, when you think of the possibility of loving as much as you did, of having it simply vanish into a black depth, into an empty death that seems to pull you, too.
Yes, angel. I know you.
My heart has been broken many times before you. I’ve cried so many tears, I’ve thought I would choke on the pain. I’ve wondered how I’ll ever breathe again, how I’ll ever step from my bed. I’ve felt a mind full of vice-like pain so great, I swear, I’ve wished I’d die.
But, of all the things I’ve ever felt, the greatest horrors were the realizations of the numbness I’ve felt, the vast tracts of memories stolen by pain, by fear, and held far from me, held silently from me, truths I never at those times knew.
Love breaks.
Love breaks, my love. Love breaks your heart and makes you feel; love breaks your mind and makes you aware; love breaks all boundaries and sets you free; love breaks all rules and suddenly…
What will you do?
You’re a flowing mass of energy.
You have no words.
You have no rules.
You have no understanding.
You look in the eyes of someone who’s learned to harness love, who’s learned to sail in love, and you think, you think she’s got it together. You think you’ll never learn to be with her, nor with anyone, because here you are, a mass of unbidden feelings – and with those feelings come insecurities…!
You look, you feel; you’re lost.
And you can see those feelings you pushed away, all of those feelings you don’t want to feel of painful pasts, of insecurities…
And you deny love. You don’t want to feel love, because it will break down all of those walls. It will tear down all of your defenses. It will leave you vulnerable, and you will feel sometimes empty.
How, tell me, how can you feel empty when you are in love?
Because, my angel love:
Love breaks down and lifts away, and sweeps away, and cleanses all of those corners where pain existed…
And love does not feel like pain. Love does not leave traces of ache. Love is like light: it shines upon you and on all of your spaces, and shows you every little thing; love is like water, as strong and as full, but flowing and washing everything away, given enough time.
And what is left, my love, feels empty – as it is not sticking so terribly to the corners of your mind, to the bulk of your mind, demanding your entire energy.
So, you ask me to take my love and go away because you do not feel as I do.
My darling, did you expect to?
Do you expect your heart will swell with joy when the light of my heart shines upon all of the pain you hold closely?
Did you expect to surge with love when you’ve cut off and dammed up the very source of your love, when you swell only and exclusively for children, born of your pure love and innocence?
Did you expect you’d have less of an effect upon me, when you slip your arms around me, unbeknownst to you, giving still more than my parched heart has felt in so many years?
Did you decide you don’t want to listen anymore, to feel any more simply because love is so new to you, again?
Speaking in the Face of Fear
Say it to me again, yet again Those words that drip with firey ice Squawk, tear at me due to hidden pain Tell me calm words are not so nice Tell me, you who would teach me again Tell me, again, that I speak too much When I speak my heart, though perfectly plain When I utter no nonsense, but reason-and-such Say it to me, heart’s love, just one more time Those words no one can stand to hear Those cruel words of your stain’ed mind Whispering echoes of your darkest fear Loose on me your deep regrets Charged heavily with your father’s voice Sing to me pained refrain, don’t forget When I speak with truth, my heart’s deepest choice But ‘t’were coddling words you wanted to hear Since speaking true words is your greatest fear And hearing truths unbidden a dastardly crime Though untruths claim your life time after time I learned: Strangling my voice was my only vice From the one who enacted my crime-not-so-nice We don’t get to choose truths or to cut grafts and splice Else you’d be as that one was, a true accomplice So, don’t tell me, aged one Words of honey sweet Can undo what one has done While I stand on my feet And please grasp: I’m not uncouth Nor you, I chastise If I can’t shut my mouth I just don’t compromise Still lauded as smart I stand up for myself I am true to my heart Don’t put it on a shelf So please, don’t slap me down like the child you feel When I’m offering words, if you’d take, that might heal But your ego is great and your fear overtakes And we both lose our tempers, make horrid mistakes Do you think, for a second, if I’d listened to you If I’d shut my mouth tight, as you demand that I do That I’d not be so brandished in life as I’ve been? I promise you, I did; felt their fists time again So, you beg that I stop But I promise, I shan’t It’s a choice that I make Even if love is scant Understanding takes all but a moment, my dear Understanding that love sometimes mixes with fear Understanding that truth is truth, despite what you take Understand vocalizing is a choice we each make Understanding comes whether we like it or not But choose not understanding, all chances are shot PROLOGUE And now, you have but a memory close And I shan't give you lectures We've each had our last dose All through fissions and fractures We lose love and time And you're not even likely To read this last rhyme
Don’t You Know?
Don't you know it? I long to feel the skin upon your face, The brush of whiskers nettled on your chin And when I reach to touch, you to embrace I find that I am forced to reach within For - don't you know? I tremble all the day and all night long My body eager, vibrating as you strum The heartstrings of such a familiar song Fingers not yet on flesh, yet I you thrum The depths between us bide in another place, Entwined and dancing lovers, 'round we spin, In happy dreams and love, ethereally encased, Far from the heat and noise of this life's din And I cannot foresee another way Than dancing deeply in a world unknown So I will live and love another day That one day, maybe soon, depths will be shown That, maybe one day soon, I will be yours And you'll be mine, in body too; That one day soon, we'll dance through doors And ethereal worlds we'll live, both I and you So, don't you know? My heart is bound to yours, and lost to me It's yet my mind you kiss, that you must woo And I, lost in this fantasy Somehow made real, this life, by your love true And - you must know! Forever, in this time That you are yours, and also I am thine; That I belong to me, and you are mine! That we are ours, forever-love sublime
Photo credit: Pexels Free Photos
Only You
Only you Defied reality Defiled my mind Withstood my sea Came back to me Not only you Resisted reality Withheld your mind Shrank from my sea Came back to me Only you (And only they) Could claim my mind Shift what you say With meanings play Not only you (Nor only they) Left me, my mind And heard me say "Love is not a game I play," But only you Are only you I keep my mind My heart is true I still have room for "I love you"
Tender
Tender is his heart, Tender is his love, The one who reaches me, Plucked me from skies above; Tender is his touch, Tender is his kiss, And tender is my heart for him; And all I am is his.
Photo ©2016 MLM
Love In Rainbows
Love me in rainbows, Not just red, blue or green, Love me with whispers of the Agean Sea Love me in rainbows, Not with some smattering, Love me with fervor of mosquitos' biting Love me in rainbows More than red, blue and white, Love me and hold me with all of your might Love me in rainbows, Love with all of your sight, Love me with such heat we lift up in flight Love me in rainbows Ends piled with gold Love me with such love our love can't be sold Love me in rainbows With colors so bold Your love and my love can never grow old Love me in rainbows 'Til we reach the sun Love me and love me 'til we become one Love me in rainbows, Silken touches you've spun And I'll love you forever, 'cause I won't be outdone
Photo credit: Pexels Free Photos
Whispers
Tuck your nose behind my ear Speak so softly I cannot hear Lips pressed gently to my skin Murmur nothing again, again Slip your fingers up my throat Utter hushed words so remote Speak into my eager mind Words my heart may only find Whisper luscious words so sweet About how much you've wished to meet Soft skin brushed across my lips Plaintive words with fingertips Speak as though your eyes were blind Your wish for love, deep to my mind Trailing touches 'cross my heart Murmured words in silent art
Photo credit: Pexels Free Photos
Simple Breaths
It was simple, A breath, And I slipped from now to then, And I saw your face again, And your face remotely yours, As we stood before the doors... It was simple, A breath, My voice catching on the past, My voice catching on the pain, And I saw your eyes again, And the feeling grown, fondness at last It was simple, A breath, Two friends holding hands, at last, Two hearts still held from the past: I found myself, now, kissing you, Kissed in ways I never knew It was simple, A breath, All the time, it would not cease, Two hearts yearning for release, Seeking confirmation this was real, Two souls seeking love to heal It was simple, A breath, And your arms around me stayed; On your chest, my fingers splayed... Must it always go this way? Must I await for days and days...? It was simple, A breath, I don't want to watch this death, Don't want to bear another flight When such simplicity feels right, Can't switch off this feeling like a light... It was simple, A breath, A needed breath, no wasted time, And I was yours and you were mine... Please give simplicity its due; It's only me and only you.... It was simple, A simple breath....
Photo credit: Pexels Free Photos
Fire & Water
Fire at your fingertips Fire that leaps from your perfect lips Fire that heats all of what I am Fire that burns in your epigram At length, you and I are endlessly drawn You of the sun and I of the sea Slipping through sunsets and rising at dawn Flames crave to be quenched only by me Water drips from my eyes every night Water cleanses each burning, every harm, every slight Water connects me to all beings that are Water surrounds us, no matter how far Roil and boil in our yearning to grasp Groping to touch as hearts at distance clasp Fire and water barely meeting, and then Into the ether, we rise again Fire at your fingertips Fire that leaps from your perfect lips Fire that heats all of what I am Fire that burns in your epigram As soft as I am when I wash over you As hard as I come when my fury's released I fall every day as the morning dew Wash back again, back again, passion unceased Water drips from my eyes every night Water cleanses each burning, every harm, every slight Water connects all the beings that are Water surrounds us, no matter how far Can you claim what is mine with all your soul's heat? Can a sun claim an ocean and neither retreat? Can two beings so strong make a life that will last? Can two such hearts meet, make a love unsurpassed? Fire at your fingertips Fire that leaps from your perfect lips Fire that heats all of what I am Fire that burns in your epigram Heat me, embrace me with fires that burn I'll cool you with kisses, none sweeter than mine I hope and I wish and I want and I yearn Fire and water make a love genuine Water drips from my eyes every night Water cleanses each burning, every harm, every slight Water connects all the beings that are Water surrounds us, no matter how far
Clichés
Please don't tell me how great I am If you're just gonna walk away Frankly, I don't give a damn I'm here and now, let's live the day Don't let's wait another year Before we dare embrace again Falter to love and not to fear Spread wide your heart, let love begin Please don't waste another word In lieu of love, then run from me They're all the same; they've all been heard Don't tell us both I'm best left free When it's excitement in your ear And rambling thoughts that sound like fear In the stillness of your heart's rush Is still the shadow of joyful blush You found a soul with a widespread heart Embarked with a mind whose life is art So, come back, now, into widespread arms Let me thrill you with feminine charms Don't tell me, please, how great I am If you're going to walk away Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn Carpe diem, love; sieze me today
Photo ©2016 MLM
Oceans of Mine 