Darlings,
You may have broken my heart a hundred-thousand times.
You may have hurt me physically, hurt me mentally, hurt me emotionally.
You may have cut yourselves off from love, and cut me off in the process. Maybe you just cut me off.
Maybe I’m too much for you.
Maybe I’m too intense for you.
Maybe you didn’t know how to handle all the love I expressed to you.
Maybe I was wrong, and maybe I was right.
Maybe, sometimes, you just weren’t ready, you didn’t like something about me, you couldn’t put your finger on it but it just wasn’t right.
But certainly, I’ve changed because of all I’ve been through, all you – all of you – have put me through. I changed because I loved; and if you loved me enough, I’m certain that I changed for you.
But here’s the thing:
If you would love me enough, if you had talked to me enough, if you’d been brave enough to face your own heart and emotions and mind, if you’d been open enough to talk it out with me, tenacious enough to stick around…
We could have had something beautiful. Something amazing. Something wonderful, whether it lasted or not.
Instead… I studied everything you gave. I learned. I lived. I changed.
Because that is how I must live, so I don’t kill my feelings, so I don’t live forever and ever and ever in underscored, unspoken pain, trying to understand how this has happened again.
Love – whether mine or others’ – changes me. It changes me, because I feel.
So, when you’re not sure if you’re brave enough to love, or even just to accept my love; when you’re not sure if you can speak your heart and mind because you’re afraid to hurt me; when you go silent, dumbfounded by the enormity of me: Just be true to your feelings, and you can’t go wrong.
Or, to make it simpler: Just be true.
But, regardless of everything: I still love you because I still know how to.
P.S. My love belongs to me, until you’re willing to take it. Then, it’s ours, from me to you. I’ll never beg you back, but if you come back humbly, respectfully, it’s all still here, with me, waiting for you.
Oceans of Mine 