I lied: I'm never done with you Never finished, Never lost, Never not yours Did I lie, Or tell the truth, A truth beyond my comprehension? Because We've changed I'm never not yours, Yet, I belong to myself alone You're never not mine, Yet, you do as you wish, too The complexity of truth is maddening: Worlds beyond "true" and beyond "lies" Paired mirrors, we are, Face-to-face: Ever-ongoing, Ever-lost, Ever-abandoned Ever grey And Ever blue
Tag: Romance
Unsplintered
Eventually, you’ll know that I wrote this for you – though I’m publishing it because I’m not the only one in the world who needs, who deserves, who craves to be inspired by, reminded of, enlightened by an example such as you.
I just asked you the hardest questions ever about our budding relationship. I stated the hardest truths – unique to us, but not unique; and they may very well be the hardest truths we ever face.
It’s the second time today we’ve struggled through strong, heavy, deep emotions. Trudging through tidal waves in old rivers that promise to pull us under if we lose hold of each other, if we fail to keep aware, I led us this morning and again this evening.
It would be easier, of course, to slip into something comfortable and let the tide carry us away, swept on the surface of our emotions without ever diving beneath the rippling waves.
I’m not like that, though.
I don’t trust the way others live their romances, ignoring life and living, believing only what’s above the surface, pretending nothing exists beneath; then lying about where they’ve been when they delve into depths with other friends or lovers – or by themselves.
I’ve tried to lead men in this way before.
Countless times (very literally), I’ve been accused harshly for speaking the truth. Countless times, I’ve been hammered down for fearing, for feeling, for expressing my anxieties, my heartfelt wishes, my anguish-strained memories.
I was alone when you found me, this time, for a reason:
It never worked, before. I’ve countlessly been abandoned. I’ve endlessly been blamed, misunderstood, rejected.
It’s a lot, I know. Where once I was silent, afraid to speak a word about the rippling of my heart, reigned in the tidal waves of fears and tears and love and dreams because I was used to being beaten, I speak it all, given liberty to do so. I ask, still, rather than presuming. It speaks highly of… everything.
Not that any of that matters, now.
What matters is that you looked at your life, at our love, at the difficulties that lay ahead of us and, rather than hiding anymore, rather than accepting what is untenable, rather than asking that I accept something equally or more untenable, you took the lead.
You don’t know how proud I am of you for this, for what you did for me. For us. For you.
And you let me give this to you.
This, also, speaks highly of everything.
I know it’s not easy to face your truths. I know it’s not easy to change one’s life, to walk out into the unknown.
But you did it. You took that first step.
I’m so proud of you. As hard as it is, as deep as this hurts, I’m so proud of you for accepting responsibility for your life. For not evading anymore. For accepting yourself.
You’re not splintered anymore.
They never taught us how to love
So we use our pain
To comfort us
And we never practice what we preach
Instead, we find
Someone else to teach
We try not to see with our eyes
We fill our plates
With dozens of lies
We try so hard to keep it in
We turn away
From what lies within
We are splintered
And we are rotten
Deep within the walls that we've forgotten
All the answers
To all our problems
Lie within the one who tries to dodge them
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
We're so afraid to be alone
So we hoard our pain
And call it home
They never taught us how to look inside
Only how to run and how to dry our eyes
We dig ourselves into a ditch
How many of us die
And pretend to live?
We stop the life from leakin' in
When we turn away
From what lies within
We are splintered
And we are rotten
Deep within the walls that we've forgotten
All the answers
To all our problems
Lie within the one who tries to dodge them
We are splintered
And we are rotten
Deep under the floorboards we've forgotten
But all the answers
To all our problems
Lie within the one who tries to dodge them
Ooooh, ooooh
Ooooh, ooooh
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Aisha Badru
Rush
Yes,
It came and went so quickly:
A storm that passed between,
Swept us up in a dream —
And, in a climactic scream,
Emptied
Us
Both.
Beautiful perfection existed for a moment,
Faltered into an abyss.
What a pity.
There’s a mirror somewhere around,
When you want to look into it.
Rush
Yes, It came and went so quickly: A storm that passed between, Swept us up in a dream -- And, in a climactic scream, Emptied Us Both. Beautiful perfection Existed for a moment, Faltered into an abyss. What a pity. There's a mirror somewhere around, When you want to look into it.
Daydreams
And the world is blue without your arms And grey, without your mind; It’s red, without your kisses, fine, Refined by stalwart art My mind creates a land of charms With vibrant greens and gold Despite the chill of winter’s cold, Brown swallows dash and dart Amidst white clouds and shining things, A rainbow hangs above; And sing a bird’s song, bright, of love, Into this brand-new start Come hither, where the church bell rings With every passing hour And bring to me a springtime flower, And in my life, take part And the world is blue without your arms And grey, without your mind; It’s red, without your kisses, fine, Refined by stalwart art My mind creates a land of charms With vibrant greens and gold Despite the chill of winter’s cold, Brown swallows dash and dart Amidst white clouds and shining things, A rainbow hangs above; And sing a bird’s song, bright, of love, Into this brand-new start Come hither, where the church bell rings With every passing hour And bring to me a springtime flower, And in my life, take part
Into My World, A Shadow Falls
Into my world, anew, a darkness drew — Fell, near burning fires, a shadow’s gaze Upon my weary count'nance; and I knew: This shadow's grip would claim me, all my days And stole into my mind and heart, it's true; Gave up to me the secrets of its ways; And promised shining things: the morning's dew Could never shine so bright, nor yield such praise And still, my mind and heart were warmed anew, A wav'ring shadow wandered in its plays Until a darker threat ran its soul through: Pure jealousy chilled the shadow to such craze And madness, took the shadow's mind and blew A word of banishment to me, did itself faze When love eternal, promised I to you; Retreated beyond life, into its haze — But, what, pray tell, are gentle souls to do When anger only turns a soul to blaze, For shadows grow in strength and number too... Obscure, oblique... This life is but a maze... And I am lost, and all the shadows, too Should I find on my skin thine sharpened blades And I would find my skin turn tanned to blue 'Fore I would e'er journey to dark malaise ...Though shadow distantly, coldly withdrew, Though shining heart is mine, my soul ablaze, I find neither shadow nor I can yet undo What binding tied our souls, those fateful days
Cascades of My Heart
Why ache, my heart when love is come so quick? Why fever's pitch? Or are we both homesick? And yet, the fire's heat melts all this pain to shades Of rainbowed beauty flooding o'er the world, cascades Of my heart, pulsing with the long passage of time And all I hope is: I am yours, and you forever mine
All
It has been said that Cigarettes Are a way to hold Fire In a human's hand It has been said that Wine Is the source of Life I say that You And I Are yet the depth of Love And love Is Life Is Fire Is all of Faith Is Truth Is All Is All Is All
So-and-So
So, you don't want the words I spill, pouring from this surging swell, cresting lips you've known so well from depths of me you've helped to fill 'Why bother with men,' an old man said one chilly night, when the leaves were dead, after up his walk my feet did tread; and, quickened, my mind and my heart then sped "I love because I must," said I, and gazed into that darkened sky remembering how many had said 'Goodbye,' loving each one anew to verify So, you don't want words uttered now, do you? Don't want my heart, though undoubtedly true. Don't want to delve into all we've been through, Can't walk away to a fresh morning dew And that's still your trouble, my favorite dear: That the past remains: insurmountable fear, You'd sooner look on us with distasteful sneer, Sooner leave your past lonely and shed not a tear I'll cry for us both, as I've cried times before And I'll keep true to us, as I've kept true our lore While you hold yourself stifled, and life, you ignore - But I'll not forsake you; you're one I adore
To All of You I’ve Loved and Lost
I studied everything you gave. I learned. I lived. I changed.
Darlings,
You may have broken my heart a hundred-thousand times.
You may have hurt me physically, hurt me mentally, hurt me emotionally.
You may have cut yourselves off from love, and cut me off in the process. Maybe you just cut me off.
Maybe I’m too much for you.
Maybe I’m too intense for you.
Maybe you didn’t know how to handle all the love I expressed to you.
Maybe I was wrong, and maybe I was right.
Maybe, sometimes, you just weren’t ready, you didn’t like something about me, you couldn’t put your finger on it but it just wasn’t right.
But certainly, I’ve changed because of all I’ve been through, all you – all of you – have put me through. I changed because I loved; and if you loved me enough, I’m certain that I changed for you.
But here’s the thing:
If you would love me enough, if you had talked to me enough, if you’d been brave enough to face your own heart and emotions and mind, if you’d been open enough to talk it out with me, tenacious enough to stick around…
We could have had something beautiful. Something amazing. Something wonderful, whether it lasted or not.
Instead… I studied everything you gave. I learned. I lived. I changed.
Because that is how I must live, so I don’t kill my feelings, so I don’t live forever and ever and ever in underscored, unspoken pain, trying to understand how this has happened again.
Love – whether mine or others’ – changes me. It changes me, because I feel.
So, when you’re not sure if you’re brave enough to love, or even just to accept my love; when you’re not sure if you can speak your heart and mind because you’re afraid to hurt me; when you go silent, dumbfounded by the enormity of me: Just be true to your feelings, and you can’t go wrong.
Or, to make it simpler: Just be true.
But, regardless of everything: I still love you because I still know how to.
P.S. My love belongs to me, until you’re willing to take it. Then, it’s ours, from me to you. I’ll never beg you back, but if you come back humbly, respectfully, it’s all still here, with me, waiting for you.
Open Letter to a Lost Love
Let me tell you a little bit about love, from my view
Let me tell you a little bit about love, from my view:
Remember my fingers, trailing on your chest after I unbuttoned your shirt, slipping through the curls of hair that perhaps no one ever loved like I do? Remember what it felt like to look into my eyes?
Maybe you don’t remember. But I do.
Yes, darling; you’re right. I do deserve to be loved as magnanimously as I love you. I understand that you’re intimidated, that you feel you’ll never match the soulful gazes I give you.
Yes, love; I understand your fear, and all of the trepidation you have when you consider me, when you think of the possibility of loving as much as you did, of having it simply vanish into a black depth, into an empty death that seems to pull you, too.
Yes, angel. I know you.
My heart has been broken many times before you. I’ve cried so many tears, I’ve thought I would choke on the pain. I’ve wondered how I’ll ever breathe again, how I’ll ever step from my bed. I’ve felt a mind full of vice-like pain so great, I swear, I’ve wished I’d die.
But, of all the things I’ve ever felt, the greatest horrors were the realizations of the numbness I’ve felt, the vast tracts of memories stolen by pain, by fear, and held far from me, held silently from me, truths I never at those times knew.
Love breaks.
Love breaks, my love. Love breaks your heart and makes you feel; love breaks your mind and makes you aware; love breaks all boundaries and sets you free; love breaks all rules and suddenly…
What will you do?
You’re a flowing mass of energy.
You have no words.
You have no rules.
You have no understanding.
You look in the eyes of someone who’s learned to harness love, who’s learned to sail in love, and you think, you think she’s got it together. You think you’ll never learn to be with her, nor with anyone, because here you are, a mass of unbidden feelings – and with those feelings come insecurities…!
You look, you feel; you’re lost.
And you can see those feelings you pushed away, all of those feelings you don’t want to feel of painful pasts, of insecurities…
And you deny love. You don’t want to feel love, because it will break down all of those walls. It will tear down all of your defenses. It will leave you vulnerable, and you will feel sometimes empty.
How, tell me, how can you feel empty when you are in love?
Because, my angel love:
Love breaks down and lifts away, and sweeps away, and cleanses all of those corners where pain existed…
And love does not feel like pain. Love does not leave traces of ache. Love is like light: it shines upon you and on all of your spaces, and shows you every little thing; love is like water, as strong and as full, but flowing and washing everything away, given enough time.
And what is left, my love, feels empty – as it is not sticking so terribly to the corners of your mind, to the bulk of your mind, demanding your entire energy.
So, you ask me to take my love and go away because you do not feel as I do.
My darling, did you expect to?
Do you expect your heart will swell with joy when the light of my heart shines upon all of the pain you hold closely?
Did you expect to surge with love when you’ve cut off and dammed up the very source of your love, when you swell only and exclusively for children, born of your pure love and innocence?
Did you expect you’d have less of an effect upon me, when you slip your arms around me, unbeknownst to you, giving still more than my parched heart has felt in so many years?
Did you decide you don’t want to listen anymore, to feel any more simply because love is so new to you, again?
Two
He wasn’t there at all; it was just the music that made her heart ache, swim, stir like those moments when they had kissed, when he had touched her hand, when he had reached to her cheek and held her so gently, stroked her hair softly, gave her all of the love that he now thought he couldn’t give.
He wasn’t there to kiss her thighs, to kiss her knees, to kiss her calves and her ankles, to worship her in that way that felt like she was a part of love, like they were both a part of the same love, worshiping some sacred moment, some higher power with every religious slip of a tongue, with every precious pressing of lips. Yet, he was there, the whole time: The music sang to her in the same way he moved along her body; it soothed her in exactly the same ways his lips broke — with easy, warm kisses — her iceberg tension; it enveloped her in exactly the ways his arms enveloped her, his energy wrapped around her; it slipped into her ears exactly as his breath, his conversation entered her mind, feeding her soul more thoroughly than any other nourishment.
He would be a part of her forever, now – as he had been a part of her through all the years apart, despite forgetting how she’d loved him once, long ago, in such a youthful, hopeless way. For now, they’d had conversations as adults; they’d made love as adults; they’d held each other’s eyes and bodies as adults: with full consciousness.
She didn’t want any other, and she thought she’d likely wind up with another, at least for a time.
When she was with him, though… there was no other. There was only him. Two, alone, and her.
And that was all there ever needed to be.
Photo ©2017 MLM
Don’t You Know?
Don't you know it? I long to feel the skin upon your face, The brush of whiskers nettled on your chin And when I reach to touch, you to embrace I find that I am forced to reach within For - don't you know? I tremble all the day and all night long My body eager, vibrating as you strum The heartstrings of such a familiar song Fingers not yet on flesh, yet I you thrum The depths between us bide in another place, Entwined and dancing lovers, 'round we spin, In happy dreams and love, ethereally encased, Far from the heat and noise of this life's din And I cannot foresee another way Than dancing deeply in a world unknown So I will live and love another day That one day, maybe soon, depths will be shown That, maybe one day soon, I will be yours And you'll be mine, in body too; That one day soon, we'll dance through doors And ethereal worlds we'll live, both I and you So, don't you know? My heart is bound to yours, and lost to me It's yet my mind you kiss, that you must woo And I, lost in this fantasy Somehow made real, this life, by your love true And - you must know! Forever, in this time That you are yours, and also I am thine; That I belong to me, and you are mine! That we are ours, forever-love sublime
Photo credit: Pexels Free Photos
Different Love
You may know so many things, be attuned to my mind... But do you know the depths of love? Why stop a feeling that is so kind? Why stop a lover's heart? Why end a love before its time When it has barely had time to start? What river's course would you dare tame When all of life survives therewith? So, why, when love behaves the same Would any heart leave and claim the Fifth? I love, and love, and love again And not but one has dared to claim My heart as deeply as he has, Though I and he've not come to pass... And, what on earth's a girl to do When I love others differently than I love you?
Photo ©2016 MLM
Tender
Tender is his heart, Tender is his love, The one who reaches me, Plucked me from skies above; Tender is his touch, Tender is his kiss, And tender is my heart for him; And all I am is his.
Photo ©2016 MLM
Whispers
Tuck your nose behind my ear Speak so softly I cannot hear Lips pressed gently to my skin Murmur nothing again, again Slip your fingers up my throat Utter hushed words so remote Speak into my eager mind Words my heart may only find Whisper luscious words so sweet About how much you've wished to meet Soft skin brushed across my lips Plaintive words with fingertips Speak as though your eyes were blind Your wish for love, deep to my mind Trailing touches 'cross my heart Murmured words in silent art
Photo credit: Pexels Free Photos
Simple Breaths
It was simple, A breath, And I slipped from now to then, And I saw your face again, And your face remotely yours, As we stood before the doors... It was simple, A breath, My voice catching on the past, My voice catching on the pain, And I saw your eyes again, And the feeling grown, fondness at last It was simple, A breath, Two friends holding hands, at last, Two hearts still held from the past: I found myself, now, kissing you, Kissed in ways I never knew It was simple, A breath, All the time, it would not cease, Two hearts yearning for release, Seeking confirmation this was real, Two souls seeking love to heal It was simple, A breath, And your arms around me stayed; On your chest, my fingers splayed... Must it always go this way? Must I await for days and days...? It was simple, A breath, I don't want to watch this death, Don't want to bear another flight When such simplicity feels right, Can't switch off this feeling like a light... It was simple, A breath, A needed breath, no wasted time, And I was yours and you were mine... Please give simplicity its due; It's only me and only you.... It was simple, A simple breath....
Photo credit: Pexels Free Photos
Clichés
Please don't tell me how great I am If you're just gonna walk away Frankly, I don't give a damn I'm here and now, let's live the day Don't let's wait another year Before we dare embrace again Falter to love and not to fear Spread wide your heart, let love begin Please don't waste another word In lieu of love, then run from me They're all the same; they've all been heard Don't tell us both I'm best left free When it's excitement in your ear And rambling thoughts that sound like fear In the stillness of your heart's rush Is still the shadow of joyful blush You found a soul with a widespread heart Embarked with a mind whose life is art So, come back, now, into widespread arms Let me thrill you with feminine charms Don't tell me, please, how great I am If you're going to walk away Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn Carpe diem, love; sieze me today
Photo ©2016 MLM
Running In Circles
So, the obvious 'comes apparent; Does this change 'nything in truth? For our friendship leaves the aberrant ‘Fore I come home to Duluth And I found another lover And your soul and mine depart And my freedom, I recover And I find again my heart There was never any answer in the minds rejecting love There was never any truth in those blue skies, so far above There was only I and you, two lonely souls stood, side-by-side There were only two hearts calling, though but one love could abide And I found this other lover And your soul and mind depart And my freedom, I recover And I offer him my heart So, the obvious 'comes apparent, And all life is changed, in truth And a friendship dies, inherent, For each choice made in Duluth But, I found my only lover Ne’er his soul and mine depart And our freedom, we’ll recover As I share with him my heart There was never any answer in the minds rejecting love There was never any truth in those blue skies, so far above There are only I and you, together: souls here, hand-in-hand There are only two hearts ‘twining, exploring love and life, unplanned
Prisms of Love
Don’t you know? I long to feel the skin upon your face, The brush of whiskers nettled on your chin And when I reach to touch, you to embrace I find that I am forced to reach within For - don’t you know? I tremble all the day and all night long My body eager, vibrating as you strum The heartstrings of such a familiar song Your fingers not yet on flesh; still, for you I thrum And I cannot foresee another way Than dancing deeply in a world unknown So I will live and love another day That one day, maybe soon, this depth be shown That, maybe one day soon, I will be yours And you’ll be mine, in body too; That one day soon, we’ll dance through doors In ethereal worlds we’ll live, both I and you So, don’t you know? My heart is bound to yours and lost to me It’s yet my mind you kiss, that you must woo And I, lost forever in this fantasy Somehow made real, this life, by your love true And - you must know! Forever, in this time That you are yours, and also I am thine; That I belong to me, and you are mine! That we are ours, forever-love sublime
Photo ©2016 MLM
Oceans of Mine 