Tag: poetry

Unfamiliarity

Who are you
to walk into my life
to stare at me that way
with mesmerizing eyes
with an air of knowing
your body commanding me
your inaction owning me
then walk away from me?

Who are you
to walk back in my life
to stare at me that way
with mesmerizing eyes
with a smile of knowing
your body commanding me
your action owning me
then stroll away from me?

Who are you
to walk into my life
to smile at me that way
with knowing eyes
with embraces dear
your soul commanding me
your body owning me
then pull away from me?

Who are you
to walk into my life
to kiss me that way
with knowing lips
with such responsive skin
your heart commanding me
your hands owning me
then drive away from me?

Who are you
to walk with me in life
to talk to me that way
with knowing words
with embraces sweet
your music commanding me
your soul owning me
then slip away from me?

Who are you
to walk away from me
to then return to me
with my heart sore
with your mind worn
your words confusing me
your inaction demanding me
then ask all to be bound of me?

Who are you
to rule what no man rules
to own what no man owns
with casual intrigue
with remoteness invested
your heart calling to me
your will resisting me
then try to leave me be?

Shall I not cry?
Shall I not be?
Shall I erase all of me?
Shall I fall into misery?
Shall I deny this fate?
Shall I deny my heart?
Shall I become an empty shell
That you’ll not be alone,
Release the Phoenix within me
Release the One inside of you
Consumed by guilt
Consumed by pain
And find each other
In Eternity.

…Who are you…
…to me?

I Am

Call me a fool; I am:
When, remembering your hand
Causes blood to rush
Causes heart to pound
Causes flesh to pale
Erases everything.

Call me a fool; I am:
When your few gentle words
Speak volumes more
Speak depths greater
Speak tenderness sweeter
Than all the talk in me.

Call me a fool; I am:
When every whim in you
Becomes my soul’s demand
Becomes my heart’s wish
Becomes my stream of life
And I a helpless leaf.

Call me a fool; I am:
When I can’t stop fighting for you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop wanting you
I can’t stop living
For the mere breath of you.

Call me a fool; I am:
When life calls to me
And I remember you
And I need you
And I ache for you
And I must love, must live, too.

Call me a fool.
I am a fool
For you
For love
For life
For truth.

Call me a fool; I am:
For all I want
Amidst all this love
And life
Is the end of me,
Is the whole of you.

The Clash of Wills

I want my mouth filled with you
I am denied

I want my thighs spilled with you
I am denied

I want my heart filled with you
I will not be denied

I want my hands tracing you
I am denied

I want my arms embracing you
I am denied

I want my veins racing with you
I cannot be denied

I want my mind cooled by you
I am denied

I want my love ruled by you
I am denied

I want no longer to be fooled by you
I refuse to be denied

Commanding the Mystic

As you command, my love.

For I am a woman, and you are a man,
And I love the ways you are.

As you command, my love.

For I am tamed by your presence,
A wild huntress in your absence.

As you command, my love.

For I am strummed by your eagerness,
Quieted by your words.

As you command, my love.

For I am yours to rule,
And you are mine to mystify.

As you command, my love.

Your Way

I’ll always love you.

My heart,
Fragile as it is,
Wants to follow you:
Wants to leap into your mind,
Wants to follow your train of thought.
It is how I’ve always loved
It is how I’ve always known
It is how I’ve always gone mad
In the madness of love.
But I will not.

I love you too much.

My mind,
Fragile as it is,
Knows too well,
Knows too much,
Knows too infinitely, undeniably
The intentions of your heart
The intentions of your mind
The intentions of your body
For myself, for you.
And I must observe.

My heart aches for you.
My mind pines for you.
My skin crawls for you.
My lips long for you.
My hands grope for you.
My loins still for you.
My soul waits for you.

I am transformed, by you,
Silently
Helplessly
Inevitably
Transfixedly
Willingly
Deliberately
Vibrantly
Safely

I am myself
And I am yours.

The Ineffectiveness of Transformation

And so,
I must transform my addiction,
Transfuse my heart’s beat
To give words life.

You will not take my love.

And so,
Your intent transforms your words,
Searing your mind’s will
Into my life.

I will not withhold my love.

And so,
Our ways transform each other,
Smiting our egos’ brazenness
Within reality.

We will not bend or break.

Can we return to that Fantasia:
To that world between worlds,
Where everything exists?

To that place of lingering embraces,
To that place of almost-perfect kisses,
To the moments nearly lost in time?

Can we return to Wabi-Sabi
To be
Just you and me?

I still give you everything you ask,
Everything your heart desires
Comes so naturally.

I am still yours…
And in my heart,
You are still mine.

The Will of Love

Your chaos
Is no match
For me

Your terror
Has no bearing
On me

Your fear
Has no strength
With me

Your pain
Has only grief
For me

I may become angry
I may become mad
But madness
In love
Is sanity
And anger
From love
Is truth

“No, I don’t want to leave you
Now, I don’t want to leave you
No, I don’t want to leave you
Now, I don’t want to leave you…”

Your chaos
Will calm

Your terror
Will stop

Your fear
Will fade

Your pain
Will depart

But my love
Never will.

* Song lyrics quoted from “Cold Front” by Laura Welsh

Reality

If memories exist only in pain
Then imagine
All the nuances
We think
We missed.

If memories exist only in pain
I would make every moment
A heartbreak
To remember
All this truth.

If memories exist only in pain
Please torture me forever
That I may always
Remember
Me and you.

Mermaids In The Sea Of Now

But,
I am in love with you.
Why feign that I am not?
Why silence the words that sit upon my lips,
That drip from my skin,
That shine from my eyes,
That everyone knows,
That you knew before anyone,
That you pulled from me,
That you saw would be true
When your eyes first found me
A year ago
In your slick, black suit
With your penetrating, demanding eyes
With your commanding, silent gaze?

I was angry with you.
How dare you gaze upon me,
Stare at me lengthily
And not complete the phrase?
How could I not sense?
How could I not notice,
You, the most handsome of your group,
So self-assured, even if you were shy,
Staring so single-mindedly;
Was I not to notice, truly?
Was I not to hold your gaze?

Would that I had been that doe
In that rainy meadow,
Ears pricked,
Returning your gaze, innocently…

But you did not peek at me innocently,
Did you?

You looked at me with intent.

You saw into my soul.

You knew me.

You commanded me.

Instantly.

And composedly walked away.

We loathe those birds-of-prey
Whose glittering feathers woo fine women
He who knows his beauty
Fashions his allure like preened wings
Displayed for all to see
Pricks his talons into lovely creatures
So he can as easily withdraw
Leaving his mark of bleeding hearts in his wake.

You are not of them;
And yet, you have as much power.
Would you have me deny it,
Just because you choose to?

I am yours to command,
Harpooned through the heart,
Strung along through your seas,
A weakened beast, weakened by your greater will.

I have thrashed.
I have fought.
I have cried and screamed.
I have begged.
I have relented.

I am yours to string up, as you like.
Make of me your trophy, for your wall.
Make of me your meal for months.
Feed me back to the fishes,
My blood spilling upon your ship.
Make of me your greatest story;
To tell in aged days
Of the great beast you caught
In fabled waters, in the days of your youth
Who loved you so dearly
Swam so innocently by your side;
Sang painful, heartfelt melodies,
Spoke all the secrets of these seas
That pierced your ears and stung your heart
That almost made you weep.

They say a mermaid’s tears are rare, indeed,
Yet mine spill a million times
Pearls like raindrops in the ocean’s deep.

Have you no heart
That you try so hard to deny
Your lust for this forbidden creature
Your love for my innocence
Your loneliness for my companionship
Your longing for my heart
My lingering on your lips?

Do you forget so easily
As I do
The dreams we make
The worlds we transcend
The patterns we break
With every touch
With every kiss
With every word between you and me?

What care you for the future?
What care I for the past?
What else is there than you and I
In the foreverness of now?

Kiss me again
Love me again
Touch me again
Listen, again.

We are again
And again
And again

The foreverness of now.

Currents

I immerse myself in your ways
And I find myself swimming in my own depths
Returned to fresh waters I knew only in theory
Returned to dammed waters I knew were true

Awash in your ways
I find myself in tears unshed for years
I find myself renewed
I find myself alone, and, somehow, with you

All theories take on new life
Resonating, sounding new depths
Revitalizing, seeding sleeping places
And I somehow cease to fear

Is it true, you are my soul-twin?
Is it true, you are the one
To walk me into death, then back again
We walk, skip, run into the light?

In you, there is no memory.
In you, there only is.
In you, there lives all possibility.
In you, the pulsing flow of life.

I have no control
These oceans in me belong to you
Salt them with your wisdom
Cleanse them with your spirit

For I am yours
This free spirit that moves with the world
Is, now and forever
Given over to you

…And if, in all your wisdom and grace
You give us both unto the world
So much the better for us both
For I will always be part of you

Pride and Humility

He always was everything
And yet, is Nothing.

You would be nothing
And yet, are Everything.

And in my loving both of you,
Love all that Is.

Is it blasphemy to think such words?
Are they not True – as True as any ever were,
Ever thought,
Ever felt,
Ever conceived?

Your humility and his
Would bind you both

While I, in gall and innocence,
Take flight on Daedalus’ wings,
My beauty protected by the gods,
My sweetness keeping my humble heart
And prideful mind
To love,
To still love;

And, when wax wings melt
With certain heat of that great orb,
I fall,
Yet, tempting Helios’ gaze,
Am saved
To tour the world in golden chariot,
To speak of truths that he and I do see,
To, jealously resigned and happy still,
Have him return me safely back to thee,
And he.

What know you, both, of such adventures?
And, should I tell, would you believe them true
Or mere fancy of a mindful girl
With too much fancy in her mind,
Mirth within her heart,
And honey on her tongue?

I dream,
And in this dream of Life, know little that is true
‘Til Truth be spoke into my heart, and my heart hears,
And am forever bound to it
As I am bound, forever,
To him
And you.

Mice

You cannot bear the challenges I seek, you say.
How was I to know, when I consider you an equal
When I have been you, so afraid;
When I am you still, so stupid, ignorant?

You run, retreat to flashing screens
And you wonder why you do not visit unknown lands
Why you do not love or have returned a love so great
As I have had with you, or so many times.

You beat upon yourself, as you have done
For years, beneath your table, so afraid.
No stories? No imagination, even, to keep you safe?
No walls, even, to shield you from view…

You are a grey mouse, shielded by a table’s leg
Your heart a thousand beats to my every one
Am I the great cat, ready for my prey
As you do make me out to be, cruel and unafraid

Or human, baiting a trap to snap your neck
Or blonde mouse, as timid in my ways as you,
Stepped only moments before into Paradise
And calling unfamiliarly back to you?

Can you ever know, from that small place?
Can you know, behind an immobile shield?
Can you ever know, when calling taunts
And pained insults into an abyss?

Try. Step out. Release your inner lion,
Or be, at least, a man.
I do not talk down to you. How could I?
When I am you.

When I remember, and yet live in fear.

Do Not Lie; I Love You

Do not lie to you
About your intentions
About what you want

When your body speaks volumes
With the heat of desire
With the sweetness of kisses
With the tenderness of touch
With your need for me

Do not lie to you
About your intentions
About what you want

When your mind reels
Over past events
Over past relations
Over past failures
Over the intense truth of you-and-me

Do not lie to you
About your intentions
About what you want

When you cannot lie
Despite all your lies
Despite all your claims
Despite all your resistance
Despite my naïve trust in you

Do not lie to me
About your intentions
About what you want

When I, in vulnerability, state deep truths
Give, thoroughly, everything you ask
Give, honestly, everything I want
Give, eventually, all that I am
Give, helplessly, it all to you

Do not lie to me
About your intentions
About what you want

When I can see through
To all your truths
To all your complexities
To all your fears
To all your love

Do not lie to me

When I cherish you
And I am wise enough to understand why you lie
And smart enough to learn what you’re saying
And bold enough to stand behind the truths I find
And in love enough to share their treasures with you

Do not lie to you
Do not lie to me

When it changes nothing of the truth
And nothing of you
And nothing of me

Do not lie

(I love you)

Stallion

I am but a girl
Hiding
Peeking ‘round the fence of your vast lands
Mesmerized by the expanses of its beauty
In wonder at the luxuriousness of your soul
Afraid
To trespass, uninvited, unwelcomed;
Desperate
To wander barefoot through soft hills.
I watch a silken stallion await
So proud and measured, so unaware,
Prance, restrained before me
Lean legs stepping, dancing restlessly
He longs to move, to run,
To carry swiftly through the wind
In breeding bound in duality
Trained, obedient, elegant; yet, unfree
His dancing feet and impatient mane
Betray the wild nature of his heart.
I long to set my fingers on his cheek
To gently slide bit and bridle from his mouth
To stroke his firm, soft body as I move
Unbinding him from the fruits of expectation
Then watch
As he suddenly realizes he is free
And weep to see him bolt into full flight
And laugh to see him dance upon the wind
And hope that he will return to me again.

The Beasts Released

Would 
That I could make love with the chained part of you
Who knows me intimately,
Worships my intensity,
Reigns in eagerness to torture me

Would 
That I could kiss the merciless you
Who feels no guilt, relishes extremes
Whose anger feeds your vengeance
From deep and hidden streams

Would 
That you would punish me with pleasure, 
Hear me scream with raw delight
Bind me with lasciviousness
As is your exclusive right

Become the final shattering
Of our minds, aware, at once, 
Of our true natures' spattering

The crushing gravity of our hearts'
Union, destroy and heal
As the terrible gentleness imparts
Of Time made Timeless

Would 
That you would seal your gaze within my eyes,
Wander off to guard me in our world,
My beautiful one, to be forever tied
And free within unbound nativity

I love you

How can I ever not be disappointed
When every car passes, not handled by you?

How can I ever not be disappointed
By any single evening not spent through-and-through?

How can I ever not be disappointed
In any conversation not ending in endless kisses?

How can I ever not be disappointed
In any less than forever in blisses?

How can I want
Any less than you

When you fail to disappoint me
In times hardest or best, as you do?

If the sky never disappoints
In its every shade of white, grey, black or blue;

Each raindrop falls as beautifully, necessarily true
Any rainbow’s magic alights the once-stormy sky;

Any sunny day beats rays upon our skin as clouds drift by;
Any winter night decorated with miraculous, falling snow,

How could you ever disappoint me
When you are all I ever want to know?

For then:

A car arrives in the midst of lovely reveries;
And this evening is not mine but belongs only to he;
Our conversation’s reward is a few tender kisses;
Heartfelt embraces end too soon and all my heart, he misses

Still, I am not disappointed
Because of you;
Because I love you
Because of you.

Our World Awaits

There is not much more I can do
I know you would worry if you knew

I spend my days in reverie
I spend my nights in longing
I spend my mornings crying

There is not much more I can do
without you,

I must dream every day together
must conjure every kiss, forever
and every tender touch

I must evoke every quiet moment
spent under trees,
watching glistening leaves

I must make everything alone

It takes my time, and patience, and trust in myself
It takes my energy and faith in you
It takes copious amounts of love
and imagination that you love me, too

It takes everything in me,
to make what I make true

There is not much more I can do
without you

As you are not here
As you withdraw from me
As you attempt to shield me, in your care
As you try to hide yourself and flee

There is not much more I can do

And there is nothing I can do
well
except love

so, I love you

To Know You Is To Love You

I do not know how to go slow;
I do not know what that means.

I know how to be real,
To feel the world around me
In patient succulence;

I know how to breathe,
To let your words fill me
In brutally crashing waves.

I know how to embrace you,
To take, to cherish, to protect
Your precious, unspoken vulnerabilities.

I do not know what “slow” means.

I know that I love you.
I know I’ve always loved you
From the moment you laid eyes upon me,
Before I even saw you looking,
Before I even found you to be real.

I know that I’ve always wanted your power over me,
Your silent call to my attention;
And that I test it by trying desperately to pull away,
By trying as desperately to push forward,
To take control.

I know I have no control.

I know I am your woman.
I know you are my man.

I know I am your girl.
I know you are my boy.

I know I am yours, in everything.
I know you are mine, despite everything.

And I do not know anything.

I do not know how to take your kisses:
I do not know how to make them mine.

I do not know how to drink your essence:
I do not know how to make it pump through my veins.

I do not know how to have what I want with you;
I do not know how to live with you;

I do not want to live without you.

I do not know how to wait for you;
I do not know how to survive without knowing.

I hunger for your every knowledge,
stored in cells and memories and energy:

That of your body,
That of your mind,
That of your heart,
That of your soul.

I am released, undone,
plaintive, at your feet.

Please teach me
how to be
in love
forever
with you.

Awaiting The End

Passion emboldens me,
a temporary elixir

I rush, thrilled;
my veins fill thickly with
the thought of you:

Your eyes, holding my gaze,
filling my mind with
spears of scalding iron;

My memory flooded with
your presence
remade, revived intangibly,

My body reels helplessly,
retreats needfully
from this vision

To await you
To connect with you
To search for you
To find you

And the moment comes so suddenly,
every muscle in my body
tensing, aching, ready,
poignantly poised for

Your touch
Your gaze
Your appraisal
For you…

Then, you appear….

For a Pisces Love

Streaming thoughts invade my mind
Unbidden
Unforgiving
Desired

Memories
Emotions
Dreams
Wandering through space and time

Do you still believe
Skipping like a stone
Across the energies of your life
Will prevent your eventual decent
Into dark waters below?

Ride with me, my dear;
I know the ebbs-and-flows,
Embrace the currents, cool and warm
That drop and rise; they are part of me,
Part of you, part of us

That keep us safe:

For shallow fish are not immune to
Eagles’ talons
Sharks’ teeth
Bears’ claws
Man’s nets
And light may draw them near