All art comes from terrific failures and terrific needs that we have. It is about the difficulty of being a self because one is neglected. Everywhere in the modern world there is neglect, the need to be recognised, which is not satisfied. Art is a way of recognising oneself.
This is what love does: It makes you want to rewrite the world. It makes you want to choose the characters, build the scenery, guide the plot. The person you love sits across from you, and you want to do everything in your power to make it possible, endlessly possible. And when it’s just the two of you, alone in a room, you can pretend that this is how it is, this is how it will be.
I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.
Anaïs Nin
(via wordsnquotes)
constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go get it”
seriously though.
how about a mix of the two “if its meant to be, its up to me”
Anyone who knows me,
should learn to know me again;
for I am like the Moon,
you will see me with new face everyday.
I deserve to be kissed with temul,
To be loved with such a verve,
To be wanted, desired like none other,
To be pursued with the intent of a hungry wolf.
I deserve to be wanted by a man I want,
To fall in love endlessly,
To be powerfully lauded in silent awe
By a man I love as endlessly.
I deserve to be kissed, and woken up,
My every cell alight,
My every nerve trembling with joy
At forever possibility.
I deserve to rest vulnerably,
To be safe in a world of safety
To finalize my love infinitely
In a love of final infinity.
I deserve to be:
To be well in a magical way
To take for granted nothing
In a today-forever-now.
I deserve you…
For every one of you, I love
So powerfully,
So infinitely.
Don’t you know that my heart aches for you?
For the way you smile,
For the way you dress,
For the way you hold yourself in a chair,
So gallantly,
So arrogantly,
So nonchalantly?
Don’t you know that my eyes ache to see you?
To spy the drink you choose,
To watch you lift it to your lips,
To see you shift in your chair uncomfortably,
To watch you laugh mirthfully at yourself,
At me?
Don’t you know that my ears pine to hear you?
To find the timbre of your voice sink deep within my stomach,
To listen for all of the things you say that make no sense, and so much,
To hear your body speak so loudly in all of your small movements,
To wait for the silence of your breath as you hold me close to you?
Don’t you know how much I see in everything you do?
Don’t you know how very deeply I love everything in you?
I ache for your unkindness, even when it hurts.
I ache for your sweetness, spilling meaningless promises upon me.
I pine for your lips to come anywhere in my vicinity.
I ache for your breath, for your taste, for your fingers, for your skin…
I long for your responses, so immediate, so intense, so deep, to my every word and touch…
And yet, I would love nothing more than to watch you, forever, in your nativity…
To pine for you forever…
And find, one day, again, your thoughtful gaze upon me,
Knowing I was watching you.
Resist me, if you will:
Your fight reveals you,
Betrays your desire,
Demands my attention,
Commands my response.
Be silent, if you must:
Your vibration pulsates stronger,
Reaches farther,
Throbs within me,
Speaks more truth.
Remain away, while you can:
Your heart protects me,
Encourages all you love in me,
Strengthens what is weak in me,
Purifies what is best in me.
Release all of your negativity:
I will remain, in love, through time,
I will remain, in love, through peace,
I will remain, in love, through life,
I will remain, in love, with you.
And there is nothing anyone can do.
M: It is ALWAYS romance that is difficult.
D: Could it be that you get bored easily?
M: I do not get bored. I’m told by men that I’m ‘too intense.’
D: What is considered ‘too intense’?
M (with a knowing, startled smile and a confident voice): The depth of my emotions, and my ability to express them.
I can’t ask to see you, anymore; I’ve taken away that possibility.
I mean: I could write an email to you, as I still have your address… or I could send you a message on Facebook, and hope that you respond…
But I won’t. At least, not yet.
It’s not as easy, now, without your phone number.
…My head still aches, like your spirit is still calling me, is still pulling at me, is still trying to get in, to speak those words you refuse to speak, to let me into the dark crevices you refuse to admit exist, but that I see, that I feel so easily. I wonder if it will stop, or if I will somehow become linked to you through some spiritual-psychic means. I wonder if I will be able to forget that you have meant so much to me, except in quiet, bidden moments – like with the other men I’ve loved and lost. I wonder how long it will take…
…Or if you’ll come back to me, as you did this year; if you’ll hunt me down – or I, you – and we’ll run into each other somewhere in my hometown or amongst our mutual friends and haunts.
It was too good to be true, someone might say. Or, it was a fairytale romance, and this great angst is the demon we must face before the obligatory storybook ending.
All I knew is that I loved you. All I know is that I love you… and that you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen, so perfect in your lithe movements, in your arrogant stance, in your handsome demeanor, with your penetrating stare from your captivating eyes. All I know is that you’ve owned me, and I am still yours… and somehow thrown through the looking-glass into a world where I may not touch you, where I may not speak to you, where I may not hear from you… where love is silent and distant, where true lovers never make love.
All I know is that you love me, and that your words will never speak that truth; and your protection haunts me, stalks me, would save and murder me in the same second…
And all I have left are memories.
I miss your skin. I miss the way the light shone on it, and the way the clouds and sky looked behind you as you stood and paced nervously, restlessly in front of me. I miss the way your hair falls upon your brow, and its silkiness between my fingers as I stroked it. I miss your gorgeous, gaunt cheeks and jaw… your slender neck and jagged Adam’s apple, and the rough stubble on your chin beneath my lips as I so often drew them over your features like a blind woman, memorizing your face with my most sensitive skin.
I miss your eyes, when you would look at me with quiet, surprised vulnerability; when I would look at you with the same openness, and we would take in each other with so much startled love, like two beasts unfamiliar with each other, yet sensing nothing innately harmful….
I miss the way you’d lay your head on my shoulder, near my neck, like a boy burdened with so many thoughts and responsibilities, asking silently that I take some of it away, taking my love in unhurried draughts as I held you, gave to you my strength.
I miss the way you’d react so deeply to my caresses, aching to return to me the power of my touch with your own capable fingertips.
I miss our kisses, all of which were fumbling and afraid – despite our respective skill. I miss the questions that would pass hurriedly through my mind as your lips found mine, as your heart sought out mine, as your mind hunted mine, as mine hurried away in terrified desire for you, for your hands, for your lips….
And, most of all, I miss your heart. I miss being your Sugar, and I hate myself for ever being otherwise. I want to pound myself back into a pulp, to squeeze myself until I cry sweet tears, to boil in my own rage until I am again refined and clear and sweet… and acceptable, again, to your palate.
For I am lonely for myself, and I am lonely for you, who loved me enough to see me; who saw me for long enough to acknowledge, to ask for me. And I am lonely for us, for that unspeakable love that passes always between us, that is so hard to grasp and so strongly uncontrollable.
May I never be fool enough to forget you; may you never be fool enough not to forgive me; may we never be fool enough not to return, one day and always, to each other.
Remember the days of blue skies and sweltering heat
when your love clung to me like the humid air
when your arms found their way around me
when your head rested upon me
when my love surrounded you in unspoken words
when you were everything to me
when I was so new and precious to you?
Remember the nights in dark places
when your hands and mine found each other
when we relaxed in small spaces
when your eyes stole into mine
when our presence was real
when all else was unreal
when our deep possession burned and pressed,
aching to escape?
Remember me?
If all the world surrenders
If all the world will die
If all inside me crumbles
If my body and mind disguise me
If my flesh grows old and thin
If my fears render my thoughts riddled and incontinent
Remember me:
I’m right here
I haven’t changed
I always love you
I always know you
I always remember you
I’ll always wait for you.
If I cannot love you
I will love the trees;
They do not judge my intensity.
If I cannot kiss you,
I will kiss the clouds;
They do not ask me to withhold my tears.
If I cannot touch you
I will touch the sky;
He does not fear the vibrations of my heart.
If I cannot lay with you
I will lay with the earth;
She does not restrain my release to her.
If I cannot scream with you
I will scream with the world;
My agony gets lost in the crowd.
If I cannot be with you
I will just be with me;
Silence asks nothing else of me.
But, if I cannot hold you
I do not know what else to do.
Who are you
to walk into my life
to stare at me that way
with mesmerizing eyes
with an air of knowing
your body commanding me
your inaction owning me
then walk away from me?
Who are you
to walk back in my life
to stare at me that way
with mesmerizing eyes
with a smile of knowing
your body commanding me
your action owning me
then stroll away from me?
Who are you
to walk into my life
to smile at me that way
with knowing eyes
with embraces dear
your soul commanding me
your body owning me
then pull away from me?
Who are you
to walk into my life
to kiss me that way
with knowing lips
with such responsive skin
your heart commanding me
your hands owning me
then drive away from me?
Who are you
to walk with me in life
to talk to me that way
with knowing words
with embraces sweet
your music commanding me
your soul owning me
then slip away from me?
Who are you
to walk away from me
to then return to me
with my heart sore
with your mind worn
your words confusing me
your inaction demanding me
then ask all to be bound of me?
Who are you
to rule what no man rules
to own what no man owns
with casual intrigue
with remoteness invested
your heart calling to me
your will resisting me
then try to leave me be?
Shall I not cry?
Shall I not be?
Shall I erase all of me?
Shall I fall into misery?
Shall I deny this fate?
Shall I deny my heart?
Shall I become an empty shell
That you’ll not be alone,
Release the Phoenix within me
Release the One inside of you
Consumed by guilt
Consumed by pain
And find each other
In Eternity.
…Who are you…
…to me?
Call me a fool; I am:
When, remembering your hand
Causes blood to rush
Causes heart to pound
Causes flesh to pale
Erases everything.
Call me a fool; I am:
When your few gentle words
Speak volumes more
Speak depths greater
Speak tenderness sweeter
Than all the talk in me.
Call me a fool; I am:
When every whim in you
Becomes my soul’s demand
Becomes my heart’s wish
Becomes my stream of life
And I a helpless leaf.
Call me a fool; I am:
When I can’t stop fighting for you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop wanting you
I can’t stop living
For the mere breath of you.
Call me a fool; I am:
When life calls to me
And I remember you
And I need you
And I ache for you
And I must love, must live, too.
Call me a fool.
I am a fool
For you
For love
For life
For truth.
Call me a fool; I am:
For all I want
Amidst all this love
And life
Is the end of me,
Is the whole of you.
I want my mouth filled with you
I am denied
I want my thighs spilled with you
I am denied
I want my heart filled with you
I will not be denied
I want my hands tracing you
I am denied
I want my arms embracing you
I am denied
I want my veins racing with you
I cannot be denied
I want my mind cooled by you
I am denied
I want my love ruled by you
I am denied
I want no longer to be fooled by you
I refuse to be denied
As you command, my love.
For I am a woman, and you are a man,
And I love the ways you are.
As you command, my love.
For I am tamed by your presence,
A wild huntress in your absence.
As you command, my love.
For I am strummed by your eagerness,
Quieted by your words.
As you command, my love.
For I am yours to rule,
And you are mine to mystify.
As you command, my love.
I’ll always love you.
My heart,
Fragile as it is,
Wants to follow you:
Wants to leap into your mind,
Wants to follow your train of thought.
It is how I’ve always loved
It is how I’ve always known
It is how I’ve always gone mad
In the madness of love.
But I will not.
I love you too much.
My mind,
Fragile as it is,
Knows too well,
Knows too much,
Knows too infinitely, undeniably
The intentions of your heart
The intentions of your mind
The intentions of your body
For myself, for you.
And I must observe.
My heart aches for you.
My mind pines for you.
My skin crawls for you.
My lips long for you.
My hands grope for you.
My loins still for you.
My soul waits for you.
I am transformed, by you,
Silently
Helplessly
Inevitably
Transfixedly
Willingly
Deliberately
Vibrantly
Safely
I am myself
And I am yours.
And so,
I must transform my addiction,
Transfuse my heart’s beat
To give words life.
You will not take my love.
And so,
Your intent transforms your words,
Searing your mind’s will
Into my life.
I will not withhold my love.
And so,
Our ways transform each other,
Smiting our egos’ brazenness
Within reality.
We will not bend or break.
Can we return to that Fantasia:
To that world between worlds,
Where everything exists?
To that place of lingering embraces,
To that place of almost-perfect kisses,
To the moments nearly lost in time?
Can we return to Wabi-Sabi
To be
Just you and me?
I still give you everything you ask,
Everything your heart desires
Comes so naturally.
I am still yours…
And in my heart,
You are still mine.
Oceans of Mine 