poetry – Page 3 – Oceans of Mine

Still True

(tho singed and lost within the smoke of recent fires)

I love you

I know I say it all the time,
(I love you)
but I do

I love your smile, and
the way your head tilts back
when you get self-conscious,
when you want my lips to drink your neck,
when you want my teeth sunk in your skin,
when you want my heart, my flesh, and then...

(I love you)
I love your eyes:
cinnamon stones sparkling amidst silken skin,
hanging flecks of perfection
singing to my poet's soul again and again and again...

I love your shyly-arrogant laugh:
full of knowledge, edged with pain
(I love you),
tainted with the uncertainty of your certainty
of your endless days

I love you

I love you for your brilliant mind
that you, nonetheless, restrain;
that you, from mistakes, disdain;
that you, come disheartened companions, refrain

I love you

I love you

I love you;
for your beauty is forever,
for your heart is ever pure,
for your love is as helpless as mine,
for your body always wants mine

I love you;
and it lasts
through time and space,
through trials and frustrations,
through foreverness and vulnerabilities...

I love you

I always have
I always do

And, oh, how I miss you...!

Beyond Reality

Sometimes, I wonder if he’s not the end of the world;
The end of me
The end of everything I know and want,
The end of all my desires,
The end of all my dreams

Somehow, that doesn’t frighten me;
I want it all the more
The end of all my past and future,
The end of the here-and-now…

If, in the end of everything
There is nothing but passion and love,

Then we exist in infinity, foreverness,
Between worlds and existence
Where words have no meaning
Where there never was a lie
Where dreams go to be born and die…

Silence speaks so loudly
In the nebulous ether
Of you
And I

The Muse

“The trouble with a muse,”
(my dear friend said)
“is that one cannot control it.”

I am bound by the aches and pains,
By the emptiness and the questions that remain
In the absence and the silence of this reign
Of my forever love affair with you

I am bound to find the answers that may hide,
To bear the passion and the weakness of our tide,
The forever pull of being at your side
In my forever love affair with you

I wonder sometimes: If you loved me true,
If your sad heart could calm its changing hue,
If your mind's eye could see, at last, its due,
If your dear soul could finally renew
In your forever punishment of you
Would we, at last, unlock the clues
To a forever life of me-and-you?

But, who am I to ask of you to shift
When all we are has led us to this rift
Where our hearts hold fast and souls can freely drift
Amidst this waning love affair with you?

I’m Sorry, Darling…

I'm sorry, Darling,
the light is fading,
though the love does not wane

I'm sorry, Darling,
the world must go on,
my life must go on,
you must go on

We must learn
from those pains,
from those sorrows

we each bear;
from the frustrations,
from the highs and lows
We must take something

We must love

I'm sorry, Darling,
but you have neither control
of Light or Dark

The Sun remains The Sun,
and the World, itself, is turning

Watch as the Sunset erupts into immortal flames across an infinite sky;

When you're in the right place,
at every Beginning and at every End,
it is impossible to deny
her beauty is as great

Now is the sunset of our love
Now is the end of you-and-me

The Sounds of Freezing Rain

I don't care if you are beautiful,
I am done with you

I don't care that I love you

I don't care about our past,
I don't care about our future

because love was meant to last

I don't care for your intentions,
I don't care for your mistakes;
I don't care for our desires

This must end before I break

I don't mean it for a minute,
I don't mean it for a year

I mean:

I can't bear this feeling
of you calling me your "Dear"

while you test that my heart beats
for you through the test of time

while you promise me your friendship
when devotion is but mine

I don't want to hear your sweet voice

I don't want to read your words

and should you chance upon me

please don't ask that I abjure
either love or firm abstinence

for my heart and mind must heal

I have chosen life without you
'til your heart you will reveal

Without love, there is no friendship
without friendship is no love
possible between two people who

may swear to skies above
that they are true, that they love,
that they care for one another purely

and yet, wish for something different...

as when you ask me to demurely
sit, or walk, or feel for you,
abnegating all my soul,
deprecating all I value
and then, playfully, cajole

me into bearing, yet again,
my heart

such is neither kind nor true

I don't care that you are beautiful

I must be done with you

Liberty

You were here with me
in my dream

I would rather you were here,
colors gleaming gold and copper in the sun
through the jet of your coat;

I would rather you were here,
walking paths 'round the fields and along the streams

I woke; without a thought, planned to wander,
you scampering at my side,
your brightness alighting my life;
your name come to life

I can see you still

My heart aches to have you here:
I wonder how you'd be with those 
seven heads taller than you,
how many creatures you would reign

You were always magical:
your wide eyes alert, awake, alive;
your presence a piece of synchronicity

Maybe I was here to save you, in your youth;
maybe you were here to save me, too.

Maybe I was here to give you my heart, my love;
maybe you were waiting to let me love you

Maybe we always knew we would part,
maybe you knew everything I didn't know I knew

All I know is that I know you, still,
and that you know me too

All I know is that I love you, still,
and that you love me too

First loves set a mold in our hearts,
I've heard it said;
you, my cherished one, broke every mold,
broke every hated rule:

You were the one who explored with me,
you were one who loved without questioning,
you were the one who is all and more than you are

My beautiful boy:
if love is an instant and a foreverness,
if forgiveness can be begged of you,
love knows you forgive me and miss me, too:

Forever apart,
forever with me,
forever loved,
forever true:

My beautiful one,
my Liberty;
and I am yours, too

Wonderland Has Come

He doesn’t know -
And neither do I -
How much time passed in the netherverse of love
How much power heartbeats have in times of need.

Years passed by without him near,
And mere moments since I have returned,
Thick with love and sweetness;
And we’re drunk on each other, again.

With every breath, I inhale a world that was mine.
With every glance, he takes me in.
This is not the love, the passion of children,
Of hurt adults fumbling towards ecstasy;

This is the love between worlds,
Between the seconds of real time;
This is violet love, of the kind Tesla knew…
This is fantasy-come-true.

Don’t talk to me of what might have been.
Don’t utter words of dissent, of discontent.
These are the times worth saving,
Moments worth living…

These are the worlds unseen and yet alive;
So:
Live
And love

Endlessly.

P.S. I Love You, Still

I fell into your world, my love;
And here, I shall remain, in heart,

Even if I am away,
Even if I must away,
Even if I am to be in a Wonderland of my own making…

I fell here, first, my love;
And here, I shall remain, in part,

As I have for years,
As I have for weeks,
As I shall, again, until I find the mirror-gate to you…

There is a Hatter who makes tea for two,

Who protects his M with kindness,
Who tempts Alice with long-coated horses,
Whose silver steed drives like the wildest things.

There is a girl whose land is elsewhere,
Yet finds life in Wonderland rings

With yet too-familiar courses
Of behavior with him all-too true…
And yet, we pine in distance;

And yet, you are right here;
By some grace of our natures’ providence
We touch what we hold so dear…

And you are in my heart, my love;
And here, you’ll always stay,

No matter time may come or go;
No matter how many worlds away…

For we have already broken rules
Upon us set by else-worlds’ minds,
Still: As precious as Majesty’s jewels,
Each other’s hearts, we find.

Stay with me. Love me. Be with me.
We shall never fear nor be torn apart;
For we are as Titans, as magical as gods
With all we’ve ever seen.

The Road To Giving Up

he’s just not that into you…

It’s been a week since I’ve heard from you
Sweet words of love
Of tenderness

he’s just not that into you…

While men in desirous parts of the world
Beg my attentions, pour on me affections,
Pull for my presence, promise me peace

he’s just not that into you…

I suffer long, lonely days alone, abused still
By absence, by affliction, by the remnants
Of maltreatment banished

he’s just not that into you…

And wonder, worry for your beauty
Wonder, worry for my own…
Reminded by your native enemies…

he’s just not that into you…

No sweet words come at last
No fond words of affection
No desire to be present…

he’s just not that into you…

But, even my white kitten comes,
An angel's silent steps and passionate
Love-bites to remind me of my own…

he’s just not that into you…

You’re just not that into me, are you?
For, if you were, your words would spill;
For, if you were, no harm could come…

he’s just not that into you…

for, if you were, you’d
share words of peace,
feather me with beauty…

… just not that into me…

… and I fade,

my love burning like a pyre,
my heart aching like a martyr,
my mind begging for a champion,

and I, abandoned of your touch
bereft of love…

he’s just not that into you…

my eyes spill, slowly, 
yearning for the truth…

he’s just not that into you…

'til my heart breaks 
as I read your words:

“… I’m just not that into you”

The Sea

The sea has swallowed me.

I knew it would happen, one day:
Being Meredith, of the sea, from the sea;
Being Mer, just the sea, returning to my home,
Returning to me.

But I thought it would happen with the sea:
While sailing,
While swimming,
While surfing.

Yet, I see a world of shimmering currents
Flowing with insta-moments,
Captured in my memory.

I forget that I can breathe under water,
That I can flow with water,
That I am water…

Or mostly thereof.

The sea has swallowed me,
And it is hard to breathe.

Breathe,
Breathe…

Inhale your substance,
Be free in yourself,
Sail in your existence,
Swim,
Be alive.

It is not a bubble that permits my life,
But waves and waves of my essence.

I am free;
I am merely mistaken:
I have thought myself to be

Not myself,
Not of myself,

But a foreign entity.

Yet, I am free.

Still, I am me.

The Death of C & S

Feels different, now:
Feels empty, like we’re both hiding some dirty secret.

You won’t look me in the eyes;
I can’t smile at you, and

I don’t want to lie to you.

We were children, for a moment.
We were happy for days,
Two friends across a room,
Two strangers giving love

For nothing more than a common simplicity.

No one cared but us.
No one demanded of us.
No one really knew, but us.

It feels different now.
It tastes different now,

Like stale bread,
Like spoilt milk,
Like turned fish.

I don’t like it;
And, I think,

Neither do you.

Being with Nick Mulvey

I don’t want to talk, any more, of pain.

I don’t want to remember all of the hurt
I’ve caused others,
Others have caused me.

I don’t want to talk any more of fear;
I don’t want to talk of being unafraid.

I want to love,
To live,
To be.

Let me be;
Love me if you will;
Live with me, if you can…
If you dare.

I won’t judge you, anyway.

I just want to be,
To be,
To be free.

Let me be…
And be free with me

If you will
If you wish
If you may
If you can

Let it be…

It’s time for the past to die.

We let everything die…
Let everyone die…
Let this die.

Let love die.

Let, this time, the past free
To be
To die

Let me free;
And die this moment
Every moment
To foreverness
Until foreverness
Has no meaning...

Until we are all free.

(tho singed and lost within the smoke of recent fires)

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