Tag: love

I choose you. & I’ll choose you, over & over & over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you.

(via cattedrali)

…Because, no matter what I choose… I have no choice in loving you.

Forgive Me

I can still forgive you everything:

Every moment when you feared,
Every moment when you ran away,
Every moment when you tore at me in your frustration,
Every moment when you asked me to be different than I am,
Different from who I am,
Different from who you love,
Different from who loves you.

I can still forgive you everything,

And I can still want to be in your arms,
Dreaming daydreams of watching clouds o’erhead,
Kissing your exquisite skin,
Tracing your perfect ribs
Watching your perfect nerves cause ripples, perfectly, under my perfected touch,
As my careful eyes watch you,
As your startled voice begs for mercy.

I can still forgive you everything.

I can still remember your truthful words
Asking me to be a part of your life, forever;
Asking for a deep and profound connection;
Asking me to give you everything;
Asking me to just be me.
Do you want to know the pain this distance caused?
Do you still want to run away?

I can still forgive you everything,

But do we need to cry forever, you and I?
Do our tears need to rain upon the world, a thousand raindrops
To wash away our pain – yours over every woman you’ve loved inadvertently;
Mine, over every beautiful love – and you! – I’ve inadvertently driven away?
At least we’re crying.
At least our hearts still spill some truth of you-and-me…
Or, at least, mine does, running rivers through the streets.

I can still forgive you everything…

And I’ll gradually forgive myself
For losing you.

Midnight In Love

I’m not actually any different from anyone who’s ever loved anyone so deeply.

I’m not actually any different from anyone who’s ever loved anyone so deeply.

I think of you probably as much;

I’m just as lost, as confused by your leaving

As anyone in all the ages of lovers being left.

We have been searching for this answer through all of time:

Why did he die?

Why did he leave?

Why did she not want me?

Why did she reject my love?

Why not accept the reality of us, of what we so clearly felt?

Why choose to forget what beauty we shared…?

Did he not know I would die, too,

Without the sunshine of his presence?

Did he not know that I would be ripped from the very soil, which was him?

Did she not know that I loved her?

Did she not realize how much I would have done for her, how I would have given anything, everything? That I still am, to this day?

Was our reality too much to bear, too challenging for the wish of the world we faced? Did our feelings truly challenge everything?

Did only I consider every moment we had together the most exquisite seconds in life…?

These questions rest in oblivion,

And the only rest I have is the rest I feel when I know I still love you,

When I know I am still in love with you.

It was the only rest I ever felt, in that way.

It was the only you I ever knew.

And this memory is not a memory.

We lived those moments in eternity…

And I am waiting for the stars to realign for you-and-me…

Because I am still in love,

And will always be.

Absence

I do not know why you must be away,
But you are
And so you must be.

Instead of sorrow at your absence,
I’ll send you joy and love on your path,
And live and live happily on mine…

And I’ll beg the heavens
To bring us back, in joy and love and happiness
One day.

Lionheart

You might not want to look at me

In the way that stole my heart,

But he does.

And he intends to steal my heart back,

To place it back in my chest

So I can live and love again.

The Loyalty

I am still yours.

Whether you discard me or keep me close,

I am still yours.

My wild heart is broken;
You tamed something in me,
And there is no way I know to un-tame a broken heart.

So,

I am yours.

This heart does not know how to give itself to another in this way;
It bucks and throws everyone away.

Is it my whole heart,
My whole mind,
My whole being…?
Or is it only pieces of my heart,
The lost child in me,
The wild one in me…

The fantastical dream of me,
Broken
By the reality of you?

How do I break your reality?
How do I return the favor of love
Upon love?

I want you, my love.

I am yours, my love.

I am still yours…!

I am

Still

Yours…

Human relationships were strange. I mean, you were with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stopped.

Charles Bukowski, Women
(via wordsnquotes)

Exactly.

It *is* weird… and I can’t get over that weirdness.

Addendum:

tiedupinkitestrings:

Even
though I have been
filling
up these pages with all
of
my black and blue, I still
refuse
to live like a bruise.

Love this poem, and the sentiments.

Everlastingly Broken Free

You can put me on your list
Of women who still want you;

You can put me on your list
Of women you have broken;

You can put me on your list
Of those whose hearts you rule;

But I am still smiling
And I am still me
And I am still loving,
And I still love you
And I still break all the rules
And I walk into the night
With my self-made standards,
Still bright
Still brave
Still free

The Awakening Foretold

One day, my dear, we will see each other again

And our eyes will lock again

And we will see each other again

And I wonder if I’ll cry

Or if my eyes will well with uncried tears

If I’ll ask you with words

If I’ll ask with my heart

As I see your soul’s suffering mirroring mine:

“May I cry now?

Have I permission yet?”

I wonder if we’ll cry together,

If we’ll speak no words

If your heart and lonely pain

Will allow you to cross the room

To ignore the world’s wondering

To lose yourself in my embrace.

A gem…

My dear…

Your gem…

Is buried sometimes,

Is revealed sometimes,

Is no less valuable when you find it easily,

Is sometimes more valuable and rare when plucked with no effort

Thor’s hammer held by one with just heart,

Arthur’s sword unsheathed by a just hand,

Makes no less honorable the man who can hold so easily.

That I give myself to you, my dear,

Does neither devalue you, nor me.

One day, you will wake up, my dear.

One day, you will know how much I care.

One day, you will wake from your dreaming alone;

One day, you will find yourself without me.

I wonder:

Will it come as a shock?

Will you gasp and start,

The weight of years gone by hitting you

As that rod jammed into me?

Will you feel the pain as I did,

Will you waver breathlessly just the same,

Knowing suddenly what you did to me, to us,

What time lost in years between?

And when you wake…

Let it be with me.

Let me take your hand and release, rebuild with me…

I will be your mistress

Your wife

Your everything…

My love

My darling

My soul mate

My divine torturer

My sacred lover

My life

My everything.

Misty Morns of Autumn

I woke to the fog that lingers still
hanging breathlessly ‘tween earth and sky
a blanket ‘round every leaf and twig
nestling in white-grey as I wish I could into you.

I remember those days and nights.
They haunt me, seep into my skin like this cool, damp air,
clouding my thoughts, moistening my eyes
and I beg for some kind, warm embrace.

“Look nowhere else, but inside of you
for all your heart’s desire”?
I find a flame growing, a raging heat
still and silent as the tangerine leaves.

I remember you; I remember us.
I can feel you still, embracing me
I can feel your blue-white flickering flame
Aching to burn hotter with me.

And still the coolness of now slips round my calves;
still the chilled reality of now sings its resonance.
There is no you in this mulled existence;
there is only this languid persistence.

When, in the night or day, I slip into your mind
Do you yearn, or turn away?
Do you yet slip silently into desire, coach its movements
into regretful, agonized explicatives?

Are we tied, now, by nothing but this creative imagining?
Are we yet tied by nothing but this type of love?
I miss the ripples of your tender skin,
the agonized sensitivity to my energies.

Lift this cloud; help me blow it away
with heat or rain, with tears or love;
or, mind, let me accept this uncomfortable space,
sip it like chilled water on a winter’s day.

-Prologue-

…And then the sun shines through the mist
alighting mist and leaves, alike;
and then, the world is a mystery;
our fantasy begins again.

This is exactly how I feel, almost all the time.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are

E.E. Cummings (via watehva)

I dreamt of disintegration. I dreamt of a body dissolved into salt water. I dreamt of becoming the sea. You say I have such an expressive face and I wonder if you could see the ocean when I pulled away from you.

(via alannadp)

So beautiful.

When Angels Love Devils

Somewhere in me, I’m crying over you.

Your hardened heart and devilish mind say I am not supposed to,

And still, the tears well in my eyes
Because I love you
Because I know you do
Because you do not want to.

Don’t wait for it…Create a world, your world. Alone. Stand alone. Create. And then the love will come to you, then it comes to you.

Anaïs Nin  (via wordsnquotes)

 

if we loved people as we should

we wouldn’t have poetry.

 

words aren’t hollow.

K. Kazik. (via these-chains-are-daisies)

 

Perhaps this is true.

Transitions

So,

I am alone.

So,

I choose to be.

So,

My heart aches for you.

So,

I would rather this than confusing pain.

So,

I am alone.

So,

The leaves still tremble on their trees;

And they are not enough for me

‘Til they transform to a pair of butterflies

And one chases the other on an Indian Summer afternoon.

Then,

You are enough for me

And my love is enough for me

And my poetry is enough for me

And the trees are enough for me

Because we are still connected

Like the wasps around the trees

Like the sun and the leaves

And maybe

We are but changing like deciduous leaves:

Dying,

Falling from our native home,

Becoming part of something new…

So,

We are still connected

Though

It may not seem to be

And

We may never speak again

But

Perhaps we will.

Defy Nothing

It is no wonder you struggle with me:

Your life is so many rules,
Never to break.

You would not come back to this place where we met,
Where I am now,

You would be aghast at my sitting so close,
In casual defiance (not “belligerence”),

To your friends.
Do not think that it is in defiance of you,

For you do not embody these rules,
These conventions that say I must not.

I am looking for something,
I realized:

I am looking for me, for my place in this world.
I am looking for my freedom from you.

I am looking for the place where joy exists without your face,
Where my every thought is not consumed by you.

And, yes, as you are in my bloodstream,
I wouldn’t mind seeing you.

But I haunt the places where I’ve loved,
My body an apparition of its own

Seeking solace, seeking reason
Defying death.

We are Phoenix, do you remember?
Dying and living time and again;

We are who we are without each other,
We are who we are with each other;

We are who we are regardless of each other,
In every time and place.

The challenge, my dear, is the remembering –

Not everything else
But ourselves, regardless of everything.

That, my love,
Is The Game:

Remember-and-Forget
Live-and-Die
Love-Others-and-Oneself;

It is The-Impossible-Made-Real,
The-Primordial-Paradox-Eternal…

The thing I love most
That you love most

And that, my dearest one,
Is what drew you to me
Is what pulled me to you
Is the soul-searching habit we always are.

“Sometimes, I can’t believe it,
I’m moving past the feeling
Again…”

We are all homeless, my love,
And carry our home everywhere we go.

We are all loveless, my dear,
And carry all of our love within.

We are all empty, my sweet,
That we may breathe the world every day.

We are all unsure, my darling,
And learn forever as we go.

We are all shy, my eternal one,
Kissed by the world for reaching out.

We are always together, always apart,
‘Tis the paradox of life, made whole by love.

I have found myself again, in my defiance.

May you find yourself wherever,
However you go.

*Credit to Arcade Fire for lyrics from The Suburbs

Song for a Sultan

So,

You think that it is ended,
That it is all my fault.

I can bear the weight of our responsibilities,
I can bear the weight of the pain of our unborn affair,
Trapped within my belly like this wound that now ails me.

I can absorb it,
Heal these wounds in me
Because I still love.

I walk around our city,
Streets from where we met and fell in love –
Whether you choose to acknowledge the truth of that or not –

And I still fall in love –
But not with you –
With city streets and the dim grey light of an autumn day

Upon tall brick walls holding in the greenery, the ancient stones of the dead;
With the tall spires of obelisks and mirrored skyscrapers miles beyond;
With the kindness of strangers who, in an innocence you covet, connect.

I can fall in love with everything,
Remaining lovely through waves of quiet grief that spill my loss…
Yet you, in handsome suit and cuff links,

Cannot admit the truth of yours,
Cannot admit the truth of ours,
Cannot admit the truth of us;

Your face, your eyes darkened in unclaimed grief;
Your lips snarled in bitter, unspoken and mis-directed self-reproach;
Your fingers curled in hated agony that I yet see…

Can you not?
Will you deny what is so obvious to me?
Will you continue to believe your mass of Sultan’s Men and Girls

Who bow so eagerly before their master,
And call them “friend” who abets your lies?
I am the child who is too innocent to lie;

I am the child who cares not for your throne;
I am the child who points, incredulous, and cries:
“The man wears nothing but skin upon his bones!”

Will you banish me from your sight, ashamed to admit
That you were not even duped, but did cowardly concede
To ideas sold at the price of life and love and dreams;

Will you ask me to pluck my own eyes out so I may never see?
The pain I bear of My Love’s distance,
Of unjust banishment hanging upon his brow

And he pays, though I would not have it,
With his beauty even, with his consciousness,
And calls it “progress,” thereby forsakes his very name.

Woe does not become you, my dear; you wear it poorly.
For me, it is a veil I must occasionally wear.
I fear it not: I love too well beneath;

It guards love, beauty and my life
As your ways, you – and others – would try as well to do
Yet fail, so terribly, and miserably too.

You do not look. You will not see:
Not me; not yourself, your friends, anything.
You will not love, and cannot, thus, connect with reality.

Be true, my love.
Rest, breathe, connect.
Become yourself, and swim back to me.

I have not left your lands,
Have not left you,
Have not left me;

Connect with me, not after another year,
But now, and soon,
Before your guilt catches and strangles your given name.

You have not wronged me, my love.
Your lies do not wrestle me.
I only miss you, as I’ve always said,

And your heart knows you love me.
Why else the greyed face?
Why else the sunken cheeks and blackened eyes?

Live, my love.
Forgive yourself; let go of me.
See, then, if we are drawn still –

As we still are, through our own friends and chance acquaintances;
As we still are, through our respective lives;
As we still are, through promises once made

From your heart and soul to mine
From my heart and soul to yours
When we were He and She, in flesh, for some few days.